• Gina Kendall Lusardi


Unforgiveness is a poisonous concoction that will only hurt you and not the other person.

I get it..sometimes you literally hate that person so much that you would rather die than forgive them. I am going to go so far to say that sometimes we thrive on that drama we hate so much.

Sometimes we are all so hell bent on “making them pay” that we don’t realize they are the ones paying, we are. We are drinking the poison of hatred an unforgiveness and expecting them to change or die. In fact the opposite is happening. We are killing our own lives with the poison of hatred.

What if instead of closing down when we think of that person or that event we lean into it. What are we feeling, why are we feeling that way, how is it affecting ME and my life, what can I do to extract the venom from my soul, my feelings, my mind?

Let's look at all of that.

We are being told “forgive” but what if you don't know how to? I want to help you with that. It’s like when someone expects a 2 year old to do math, it isn't going to happen because they haven't been taught how to. Let me teach you grasshopper.

Holding on to the resentment is keeping you stuck in your past. We have to start by acknowledging what we are really feeling and why. I mean really get in there. Instead of making it vague like: “Whosabobit was a lousy husband” or “whatsername cheated on me.”

Really examine it, put names to how you felt. “Whosabobit made me so angry when he did x, y and z. He was supposed to love me forever, he was supposed to protect me but instead he cheated on me and beat me.” I gave my life to that sob, I loved him with all my heart and he ripped it out and took a dump on it. I never felt more hurt, more cheated or more humiliated in my life. Whatever your situation, your hurt is, really examine it. It’s going to sting, it's going to bring up things you buried. Think about it this way…. How has NOT dealing with it been working in your life? Betrayal hurts no matter how you look at it. It is ok to mourn the loss of that relationship whither it is a relationship with a partner, a sibling or a parent. Your expectation died.

In order for us to learn how to forgive the one thing we can not do it keep it or our head buried in the sand like an ostrich. Not talking about will not make you better it will only continue to poison your life. If you don’t talk about it and bring ALL of our hurt into the light than how are you to heal?

You may never get a formal apology from whomever caused you pain, maybe they have passed on, maybe they don't see their part in your hurt. Whatever the circumstances.. YOU have to forgive them and YOURSELF in order for you to live your best life. If you wait for someone else to knowledge their mistakes or their part in it then your life is going to be pure hell.

Remember by not dealing with it, not getting to the root of why your life isn’t where you want it is giving that person or event power over you. It is time for you to relinquish that person or event power that they/it have over you and take your power back. We can’t change the past but we can have control over how we let it control our lives.

When we lean into the pain, when we feel the hurt or acknowledge something that triggers our feelings we have to make a choice as to if we will react negatively and attack, or we can; stop, acknowledge that we are being triggered and ask yourself why we are being triggered. Then we can choose to say to yourself… this is the old way, this is something I no longer will allow to control me.

It isn't going to happen overnight. It is a , but it is a vital process you need to do for yourself and for your future self.

It isn't going to happen overnight. It is a , but it is a vital process you need to do for yourself and for your future self.

I’m including a great link to help you out on your journey: https://greatist.com/live/how-forgive-someone-who-will-never-say-sorry

3 takes a ways

So in 3 takes a ways I want you to walk away with are:

1. Unforgiveness is a poisonous concoction that will only hurt you and not the other person.

2. You have to examine where the pain is coming from, put names to how it makes you feel.

3. In order to live better the next time that feeling or reaction comes up; lean into the pain or hurt, acknowledge something that it is causing you to be triggered and remember we have to make a choice as to how you will now react, and if you will let it keep you held hostage.

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