• Gina Kendall Lusardi

HOW TO MOVE ON FROM YOUR PAST HURTS


WE ALL HAVE HURT AND PAIN IN OUR LIVES. HURT THAT CAN COME FROM SO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.


HOLDING ON TO THAT PAIN KEEPS US STUCK IN VICTIM MODE. YOU MAY EVEN THINK YOU HAVE DEALT WITH IT OR YOU MAY THINK THAT “MY LIFE IS GOOD SO IM GOOD.” AS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LIFE COACH I’VE HEARD THAT ALOT, BUT WHEN WE SCRATCH THE SURFACE YOU OFTEN FIND THAT PAST HURT IS STILL ACTIVE IN SOME PART OF YOUR LIFE. BE IT UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, WEDGES IN RELATIONSHIPS, HEALTH PROBLEMS, ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION.


THE GOOD NEWS IS WE CAN NOT ONLY MOVE ON BUT WE CAN HEAL FROM OUR PAST. I’M NOT SAYING YOUR FEELINGS AREN’T FOUNDED, I’M SAYING YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

KNOWING YOU ACTUALLY DO HAVE A CHOICE OF LETTING GO OF YOUR PAST HURT IS EMPOWERING TO A LOT OF PEOPLE. WHEN WE ARE IN THE VICTIM MODE WE FEEL LIKE WE LACK CONTROL OVER A SITUATION, BUT KNOWING YOU CAN CHOOSE TO EITHER HOLD ONTO THAT PAIN OR TO LIVE A LIFE FREE FROM THAT PAIN MOVES YOU INTO THE SURVIVOR MINDSET.


CIRCUMSTANCES AND HURT DON'T JUST STOP, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A COMMITMENT TO “LET IT GO.” YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO LET IT GO OR YOU WILL END UP GOING AROUND THAT SAME MOUNTAIN, YOU WILL END UP SABOTAGING ANY EFFORTS YOU HAVE MADE TO MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR PAST.


ONE WAY TO GET THE TOXINS ON THE HURT OUT IS TO WRITE THEM DOWN. EXPRESSING HOW YOU FELT, HOW THAT PERSON OR EVENT MADE YOU FEEL NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE. I KNOW THIS CAN BE A VULNERABLE THING FOR YOU AND YOU MAY FEEL SOME APPREHENSION TO DOING THIS, BUT TRUST ME, IT HELPS SO MUCH TO GET IT OUT. YOU MAY FEEL YOU HAVE DEALT WITH SOMETHING OR THAT YOUR PAST DOESN'T AFFECT YOUR LIFE ANYMORE, BUT MY BET IS, UNLESS YOU HAVE DEALT WITH IT, IT IS STILL REARING ITS UGLY HEAD SOMEWHERE.

AS MUCH AS WE WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF ONLY RIGHT AND WRONG, BLACK AND WHITE, GOOD AND EVIL WE DON’T, WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF OUR OWN BELIEFS AND OUR OWN PERCEPTIONS. JUST LIKE WE HAVE OUR OWN BELIEFS AND PERCEPTIONS SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS PLANT. WHILE YOU MAY NOT HAVE BE THE PERPETRATOR OF THE HURT YOU EXPERIENCED, THERE MAY BE A SMALL PART OF THAT HURT YOU ARE ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR. WAS THERE SOMETHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? COULD YOU HAVE MADE A CHOICE TO LEAVE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? WILL YOU LET YOUR PAIN BECOME YOUR FOREVER, OR JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD OF LIFE? ARE YOU OR HAVE YOU BEEN WILLINGLY LIVING AS A VICTIM? LIFE IS NOT FAIR BUT WE ALL 100% HAVE A CHOICE AS TO HOW WE WILL LET THAT UNFAIRNESS AFFECT US.


A VICTIMS IS A PERSON WHO SUFFERS FROM DESTRUCTIVE ACTIONS, SOMEONE WHO IS COMPLETELY SUBJECT TO THE ENVIRONMENT AROUND THEM. A VICTIMS BELIEVES THAT THEY HAVE LITTLE OR NO CONTROL OVER THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES, WHILE A SURVIVOR IS A PERSON WHO CONTINUES TO FUNCTIONS OR PROSPERS IN SPITE OF OPPOSITION, HARDSHIP OR SETBACKS. YOU HAVE THE CHOICE AS TO WHICH ONE YOU WILL BE, NOBODY CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR YOU.


SOMETIMES BEING THE VICTIM IS LIBERATING, YOU CAN GO WITH THE “POOR ME, IT’S NOT MY FAULT” DEFENSE. BUT GUESS WHAT? THE WORLD AT LARGE DOESNT CARE, SO YOU NEED TO PICK UP YOUR PITTY POOL AND GET OVER BEING A VICTIMS. YES, YOU ARE A SPECIAL PERSON, AND YES WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU MAY HAVE AFFECTED YOU AND YOUR LIFE PROFOUNDLY, BUT HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO SIT IN THAT PITTY POOL? YES YOUR FEELING MATTER, AND YES YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HURT, BUT YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO NOT LET YOUR FEELINGS OVERRIDE EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE. YOUR FEELINGS ARE BUT ONE PART OF THIS THING CALLED LIFE. SO GET OUT OF YOUR FEELINGS, AND EMPTY YOUR PITTY POOL. NOBODY IS COMING TO SWIM WITH YOU.


NOW THAT YOU’VE EMPTIED YOUR POOL IT'S TIME TO MOVE FORWARD. YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING YOURSELF THAT SAME STORY. CLOSE THE BOOK, HELL BURN THE BOOK IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT STOP REREADING IT DAY IN AND DAY OUT. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN MAKE TODAY, THIS DAY, THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. AND TOMORROW YOU WILL DO THE SAME THING, AND THE NEXT DAY AND THE NEXT. AS A LIFE COACH I HELP MY CLIENTS MOVE FORWARD FROM TODAY, NOT YESTERDAY OR 10 YEARS AGO. STARTING TODAY YOU ARE GOING TO FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW. HOW CAN YOU MAKE TODAY COUNT, HOW CAN YOU MAKE YOUR LIFE TODAY GREAT?


YEP, I CAN HEAR YOU NOW, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT THINK ABOUT THE PAST, THAT'S LIKE ASKING A DOG NOT TO BARK? WHEN YOUR PAST STARTS CREEPING IN YOU ARE GOING TO GENTLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MOMENT, YOU ARE GOING TO TELL YOUR PRESENT SELF THAT MEMORY HAS NO PLACE IN THE HERE AND NOW. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO CHASE IT AWAY. WHEN SOMEONE ELSE FROM YOU PAST TRIES LURING YOU BACK INTO THE DARKNESS YOU CAN KINDLY SAY “ THAT WAS THE PAST, AND NOW I AM FOCUSING MY LIFE ON MY FUTURE HAPPINESS.” YOUR MISERABLE FRIENDS WILL TRY TO PULL YOU BACK DOWN. I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER, IF YOU CROWD YOUR HEAD AND LIFE WITH HURT FEELING THERE'S LITTLE ROOM FOR ANYTHING POSITIVE TO COME IN.


GOD DOES NOT WANT ANY OF OUR LIVES TO BE DEFINED BY PAIN. LIVING THAT WAY CAUSES US STRESS, IT HURTS OUR ABILITY TO FOCUS, AND IT IMPACTS EVERY RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE. EVERY DAY YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE TO LET GO OF PAST HURT UNTIL IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE.


DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL THE HURT COME UP OR THAT VICTIM MENTALITY CREEPS IN, WELCOME HAPPINESS BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. YOU DESERVE IT!


JUMP ON A FREE NO OBLIGATION LIFE COACHING CALL WITH ME TODAY TO SEE HOW WE CAN MAKE YOUR FUTURE BIGGER AND BETTER. https://speakoutgetoutstayout.as.me/?appointmentType=category:Discovery%20Call


IF WE AREN'T FRIENDS YET; HEAD OVER AND SAY HI!

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REFERENCES USED: https://psychcentral.com/blog/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on/

“I Do Hard Things; A bible study to break free of fear and pain” by Havilah Cunnington


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