Teen Dating Violence

Tips and Signs

Nearly 12% of HS females reported physical violence and 7% of males while nearly 16% females and 5% of the males reported sexual violence from a dating partner in the 12 months prior to being surveyed. 

Nobody expects you to know the ins and outs of dating at your age. Heck, there are adults who need help with the ins and outs of dating too.  This is a new experience for you.   It is so very important that you educate yourself when it comes to dating as a teen. Don’t let life just happen to you, make it what you want it to be. 

You are going to find that member of the opposite sex or even the same sex that makes your heart skip a beat, that person you just can’t stop thinking about.   It’s all good. What isn’t good is a thing called “teen dating violence.”  It is a very serious and real thing.  Not everyone wants what is best for you, some people want to control you and hurt you.

So, what is :    Teen Dating Violence?

Dating violence isn’t just hitting. 

  • Teen dating violence means of course physical violence which includes:  hitting, kicking, or using other types of force but it also includes:

  • Sexual violence -such as forcing or pressuring you to take part in a sex act, sexual touching, sexting when you or your partner does not consent.

  • Stalking- stalking is a pattern or repeated, unwanted attention & contact by a partner or ex-partner that causes you fear or concern.

  • Psychological aggression- the use of verbal or nonverbal communication with the intent to harm another person (emotional abuse)

 

So what are the signs that you may be in an abusive relationship?

  • Physical signs of injury such as bruises, scratches or other injuries

  • Avoids friends/isolating behaviors

  • Behaves differently around his/her boyfriend/girlfriend

  • Excessive text messaging or calling from dating partner

  • Makes excuses or apologizes for his/her boyfriend/girlfriend’s behavior

  • Dating partner monitors calls and emails

  • Dating partner makes frequent accusations of “cheating” or flirting

  • A dating partner who makes threats of suicide or self-injury in the event of a breakup

  • Excessive jealousy.

  • Constant checking in with you or making you check in with him or her.

  • Attempts to isolate you from friends and family.

  • Insulting or putting down people that you care about.

  • Is too serious about the relationship too quickly.

  • Has had a lot of bad prior relationships - and blames all of the problems
    on the previous partners.

  • Is very controlling. This may include giving you orders, telling you what to
    wear, and trying to make all of the decisions for you.

  • Blames you when he or she treats you badly by telling you all of the ways
    you provoked him or her.

  • Does not take responsibility for own actions.

  • Has an explosive temper (“blows up” a lot).

  • Pressures you into sexual activity with which you are not comfortable.

  • Has a history of fighting, hurting animals, or brags about mistreating other
    people.

  • Believes strongly in stereotypical gender roles for males and females.

  • You worry about how your partner will react to the things you say or you
    are afraid of provoking your partner..

  • Owns or uses weapons.

  • Refuses to let you end the relationship.

 

What are some signs you need to be aware of in your potential partner:

  • Quick to get involved in a dating relationship

  • Constantly call, text, e-mail or send instant messages (including abusing Facebook or any other social media format)

  • Verbally abusive, calls his/her partner names and criticizes his/her partner frequently

  • Does not care about his/her partner’s feelings and will not take “no” for an answer

  • Controlling or bossy behavior

  • Believes in rigid sex roles and gender expectations

  • Demands to know where his/her partner is and who he/she is with at all times

  • Extremely jealous

  • Isolates his/her partner from friends and family or from the things he/she enjoys doing

 

What can you do if you notice these signs in your relationship?

  • Trust your intuition! If you believe there may be a problem in your
    relationship, you are probably right.

  • Do not ignore the warning signs.

  • Research has found that those who have a tendency to engage in
    relationship violence escalate their abuse over time. In other words, it gets
    worse over time, not better.

  • Spend time with people you care about other than your partner. Stay in
    touch with your friends.

  • Keep up with activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about
    yourself.

  • You might consider looking into what help or resources might be available
    in your school or area. You might also want to consider calling a domestic
    violence hotline or shelter for more information before you experience a
    crisis.

  • Involve your parents. I know that involving them may be scary to you, but believe me when I say your parents want what is best for you and will protect you at all costs.  If you need to, please involve law enforcement in the dating violence.

 

There are lots of fish in the sea and believe me, you are going to run into some that are more shark-like vs an Angel Fish.    It is ok to say… Yes, this one needs to be thrown back.

 

You can contact:  SPEAKOUTGETOUTSTAYOUT.COM for additional information or you can reach out to the TEEN DATING VIOLENCE HOTLINE @ 1-866-331-9474

Domestic Abuse Hotline

1-800-799-7233

National Sexual Assault Hotline

1-800-656-4673

Child help National Child Abuse Hotline

1-800-422-4453

Suicide Hotline

1-800-784-2433